Why people have extramarital affairs?
Talk about a loaded matter that no one wants to talk about, that’s it. Funny thing, married dating have been going on from ancient times. Extramarital affairs can be loaded with problems, cause heartache, and other problems. Plus you should wrap your brain around all the other issues, there’s that truth and openness issue, money, age dissimilarity, faith background, shame, and on and on. I expect there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the purpose of this post I will define an affair as a long term, maybe weeks long relationship of a sexual nature between two individuals of whom one or both are married to other persons, married man date.
Why do men have affairs? There are as many reasons as there are people seeking affairs. I suppose mostly though it is just the human nature, the need for love, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and appreciated. Here are a several explanations I have run across.
Naturally we as humans are all sexual beings. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is enjoyable and exciting, and sex makes us get away the real world for a brief period of time. This excitement exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels high enough. Someone can turn the wish on and off, some are excellent at controlling it and others are so-so at best. Though we all have it, young and old, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the stimulation of the hunt. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another person, for some it is the desire to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the entire romance thing. These desires and yearnings can be so strong they prevail over the taboos society has erected against affairs. For many individuals the yearnings will defeat their fears and make them risk the fury of not only their relatives, but society as well. So why, what is the mechanism?
Sex Addicts, probably some of us are. Sex is terribly good, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of physically driven sex addicts and can find away to have sex and not wound your relatives or anybody else? You would need to lessen the hazard you are taking. If you have the approach that a good affair is one that is advantageous to all, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I think this is the largest grouping, very big actually. There are many couples whose marital relationships is over, apart from they are comfy in the way they exist, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your other half but there is no romance. Then there are the kids to think about. Your money are so knotted. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to stay as a family besides love and sex.
Bodily reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical reasons that prevent them completing the sex performance, at least not with their othere half. An marital affair occasionally solves the difficulty while keeping the marriage undamaged.
Neglect, sadly this is a common cause I fear. One or the other, frequently the male is sexually neglecting his wife for a multitude of reasons. As a male I actually am thankful to you guys neglecting your ladies and making them obtainable to us men of romance, making them “milfs” Though I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Also there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not only neglectful, but malevolent.
Something is just misplaced in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Perhaps its romance that is missing, maybe it is a shortage of love, could be compassion is disappeared, maybe it is the intimacy, could be neglect. Could be we have just grown apart, our ordinary interests diverged. Could be it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my ages, is opposite of what you want. Maybe I just do not know what I want from the marriage anymore. Maybe, just maybe I miss that feeling that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The number one reason people give is, they look for the passion that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to run away, for economic gain, for vengeance and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.